Editorial note: Opinions expressed here are solely those of the blogger
I often have compared my brain to a hard drive, with the underlying assumption that there is plenty of space to be freed. Lines to Caddyshack, the vast differences between Dio- and Ozzy-led Black Sabbath incarnations, and what Tony actually instructed Christopher and Paulie to do during the infamous “Pine Barrens” Sopranos episode vie for space with more important matters. But like any true pack rat, I somehow manage to find space, which often means piling knowledge up three-deep or having it overflow from proverbial temporary storage bins.
While storing knowledge is relatively easy, it’s not the same with emotions; especially hassles. Car repairs, school challenges, kid challenges – all of the First World variety, mind you, seem to collect in my brain like a pile of dirty laundry. And instead of using a washer and dryer, I’m left tacking each article of dirty clothing by hand. Ideally, I would then clean it, dry it and fold it away neatly in the drawer. But we all know that’s not how it works with emotions. They just pile on top of each other until they fall on you or you stop noticing them.
I have been aware of this piling in one form or another for quite some time but a recent conversation with a friend really drove the issue home for me. My friend asked if a particular matter bothered me. Shaking my head, I replied that I couldn’t let it bother me. “Why?” my friend asked. “Because I just don’t have the capacity,” I replied. My friend nodded, knowingly, and the conversation continued.
Of course, I do have the capacity; reserves and reserves of it. But right at that moment, in the context, I felt tapped out. My challenges weren’t a bunch of movie quotes I could file away for use when the moment presented itself. Although relatively small, they were legitimate and needed solutions. By saying I’m at capacity, I’m really just buying time.
Since the time of this conversation, I have in fact tackled many of the collected challenges. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that many of them quickly dissipated, fortunately not measuring up to the dreaded anticipation. Some I’m still working through, and will require long-term solutions. Some won’t ever really go away.
And as I work to find a home for these challenges or send them to the emotional equivalent of a recycling bin, I’m fully aware that more will inevitably take their place. Challenges have a way of regenerating. Fortunately, so does our capacity for dealing with them.
Image credit: Sigmund
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